David had loved Alice since he was in his third year in the university. At 22, he tried his best to make sure she didn’t suffer, but Alice always wanted more. What shocked him most was how she destroyed things when she was angry. Although she was good at guilt-tripping him and calling him names, he didn’t mind. On his 25th birthday, he knew it was time to end the toxic relationship he had spent three years of his life investing in. The relationship had consumed nearly all his energy and confidence. When he ended it, David did not feel free, he felt lost. It was the kind of emotional chaos that perfectly captured the uncertainty in your 20s: a mixture of heartbreak and identity crisis.
The relationship had been his anchor, even if it was sinking him. Now, without it, everything felt unstable. His friends were getting promotions. Just last week, his cousin who was five years younger than him got married to his heartthrob. His old classmates were starting businesses. And David? He was still trying to figure out what to eat for dinner and whether he was still the same person before the breakup.
For days, he was mostly clueless and had hard great difficulty sleeping. He kept tab on all his friends and kept scrolling through their social media feeds, comparing his own life with their seemly perfect ones.
Why Your 20s Feel So Uncertain
Many young adults in their 20s go through similar situations like David. Your 20s are often described as “the best years of your life” but for many, they feel like the most confusing. This is the decade where:
- You’re expected to find a career, a calling, or at least a consistent income.
- Friendships shift, and romantic relationships either deepen or dissolve.
- You are an adult, but sometimes your parents still treat you like a child.
- Everyone seems to be posting wins while you are privately wondering what you’re doing wrong.
This stage of life is full of firsts. Your first breakup, job loss, rent payment, first time questioning everything you thought you wanted. Your uncertainty in your 20s is completely normal.
The Myths That Make the Uncertainty in Your 20s Harder
What makes it worse is the pressure to “have it all figured out.” Maybe you’ve heard or thought:
- “By 25, I should be successful.”
- “If I don’t have a direction now, I never will.”
- “Everyone else is doing better than me.”
The truth is that nobody, even the older ones you look up to don’t have it all together. Many are figuring it out as they go and some are just better at filtering their lives online. Growth looks different for everyone, and timelines are not competitions.
How to Move Forward in the Middle of Uncertainty
Here are some practical, heart-centered ways to overcome the pressure and uncertainty in your 20s:
- Set Flexible Goals: You don’t need a five-year plan at this stage yet. Start with small, achievable goals. Do you want to build a new routine, learn a skill, save a thousand dollar per month, or invest in a growing business? That’s progress.
- Limit Comparison: Know those that contribute to your growth and development, then unfollow, mute, or distance yourself from accounts or people that make you feel less confident. Your journey to the success you desire is valid even if it seems to be slower, quieter, or messier.
- Take the Next Small Step: You don’t need the full map to your success. What you need is to just take the next step and things will fall in place. The next step could be updating your CV, applying for one opportunity, taking a course, or even resting well for a week.
- Build a Safe Support Network: The people you relate with have a lot to do with how you can overcome the uncertainty in your 20s. Remember to communicate with your people and be open about your struggles. When you ask for help, you are not weak, you are wise.
- Journal or Reflect Often: Sometimes, you can take time to write down your thoughts as this can help you find clarity. Ask yourself: “What’s working?” “What can I do today that brings me peace? What do I want to let go of?”
- Normalize Failing and Starting Over: Do not be afraid to launch out and take risks. Your 20s will include many mistakes. You might get the wrong jobs or have failed relationships, but it does not mean that you are a failure. You are becoming. Let everyone of your experiences grow you to be better. Don’t allow it shame you and leave you hopeless and less confident.
You Are Not Falling Behind
If no one has told you this before, I’ll tell you today. You are not behind. You are not too late. And you don’t need to have everything figured out by a certain age.
Even those who look like they’re ahead are still dealing with doubt, pressure, and changes behind the scenes. Life is not a straight line. It curves, pauses, and picks up again.
Embrace the Unknown
Uncertainty in your 20s can feel scary, but it also holds lots of opportunities. The unknown might just be the space where you discover strength, purpose, and peace you didn’t know you needed.
So, if you’re 22 and wondering what you’re doing with your life or 27 and starting from the beginning, take heart. You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to keep showing up.
What’s one thing you’re still learning to deal with in your 20s? How have you been able to deal with some uncertainties that cropped up in your life?
One Response
I’ve learnt to do with self comparison. There were times I envied other people’s progress and it just made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough. I’ve come to realize that my progress shouldn’t be compared with any other because we’re not living the same life.