Laura is known to be a super-active, energetic woman. She wakes up around 5 a.m. each morning to make breakfast for her family. Once she’s done, she fixes lunch for her two children, sends them to school, and hurries to work. In the evening, she goes to her parent’s home to take care of her father. Her father is beginning to lose his memory and her mother needs help with moving around.
When she finally gets to her humble abode, she is drained both physically and emotionally. There are nights when Laura will sit in her car for a few minutes before going inside, just so she can catch her breath. She enjoys her work and her family, but many times, she feels like she’s giving too much and there’s nothing left for her.
If you can relate to Laura’s experience in your own life, you may be in the category of those experts refer to as the sandwich generation. They are grownups who are caring for kids and aging parents simultaneously. It is one of the hardest things to balance because you are being tugged in two different directions, without enough rest or assistance.
The Unseen Emotional Burden of Dual Caregiving
It is a laudable act for anyone to properly take care of their kids and elderly parents. However, it can prove to be demanding on one’s mental and emotional health if done incorrectly.
An American Psychological Association study finds that individuals in this position experience higher rates of stress, fatigue, and anxiety than any other group. You’re juggling work, caregiving, and parenting all at once. At times, it feels like you can’t even catch your breath.
Then you begin to feel guilty when you miss your child’s event because your parent had to be at a doctor’s appointment. You feel guilty when you spend time with your kids instead of helping your parents. And sometimes, you even feel guilty about getting some time for yourself.
Here’s something you should note: this sense of guilt you’re feeling is not an indication that you’re doing something wrong. It shows that you care deeply, perhaps too deeply to realize that you’ve never stopped to think about how much you need care too.
The Warning Signs of Burnout
Burnout is not always obvious. It creeps in slowly.
You begin to feel tired even after you have slept.
You forget little things.
You lose interest in things you once enjoyed.
You become easily irritated or tearful.
These are not signs of weakness. They are signals that you are doing too much for too long without sufficient rest or support. Everyone, even the most capable caregiver, has a limit to what their body can do.
Practical Ways to Cope and Stay Grounded
- Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
Say no firmly to activities or duties you cannot fulfill. You cannot go to all appointments, meetings, or functions. When you are setting boundaries, it does not indicate that you don’t love your family anymore; it signifies that you’re preserving your energy to be present for them for a long time.
- Call for Help before You Break Down
When you feel that you are tiring from all these activities, call your siblings, friends, or neighbors. Most would like to help but do not know how unless you tell them. Divide small tasks among people around you. This will ease your burden and strengthen your support system.
- Take Small Breaks, Even if it’s 10 minutes
You don’t have to take a whole holiday to recharge. Sit out in the fresh air for a few minutes. Listen to your favorite song. Breathe. Occasional breaks help your brain to reboot.
- Be Willing to Talk to Someone
When stressed, do well to seek the services of a therapist or caregiver support group. They can do miracles with your mental and physical health. Tell them how you feel because they are not out to judge you. It may help release all the pressures that you may have been carrying for a very long time.
Finding Joy and Connection Again
You do not have to wait for things to settle down before you begin to enjoy yourself again. Your happiness can begin with little things while you sit somewhere quiet to sip a cup of tea. It be while playing and laughing with your children or when chatting with your parents. Anything just to make you and your loved ones smile and be grateful.
Shift your focus from attempting to do everything perfectly to being present where you are. Peace is not present when you are trying to always be in control, but when you are connecting with your loved ones.
Conclusion
Laura eventually learned to ask for assistance. She started taking short walks in the evening that refreshed her body. She listened to the music she loved whenever she felt demoralized, and shared her work between her siblings. As time went on, she became more relaxed, lighter, and more at peace.
If you’re caring for kids and aging parents, you need to understand that you’re doing one of the toughest jobs in the world. However, you don’t necessarily have to lose yourself while doing it. It is very important that you also take care of your own mental well-being while doing this.
