Behind the Silence: Men and Mental Health Series – Part 3

When most people think of depression, they often picture someone who is visibly sad, withdrawn, or struggling to get out of bed. They imagine tears, a lack of motivation, or an obvious sense of hopelessness. However, depression does not always look like that especially in men.

Some men continue to go to work, fulfil their responsibilities, joke with friends, and show up for the people around them while quietly battling emotional struggles that no one else can see. On the surface, they seem fine. They may even convince themselves that all is well. Because these signs do not fit our expectations, their pain often goes unnoticed. This is one reason depression in men often hides in plain sight.

What People think Depression looks like

Depression is not a one-size-fits-all experience. While sadness is a common symptom, it is not the only way depression can present itself. For some, depression is associated with:

• Frequent crying
• Persistent sadness
• Hopelessness
• Lack of energy
• Loss of interest in daily activities

These experiences are true and valid. However, depression in men can sometimes take on a different form. Some men become irritable rather than tearful. Others withdraw emotionally, throw themselves into work, or constantly keep themselves busy to avoid confronting how they feel. Some feel numb rather than sad, while others become easily frustrated or angry.

As a result, depression can be difficult to recognize, both for the men experiencing it and for the people around them.

The Signs of Depression Men often miss

Depression in men often go unnoticed mainly because men have learnt to bush through their difficult emotions. Instead of identify their symptoms, they tell themselves:

• “I’m just tired.”
• “Work has been stressful.”
• “I just need some rest.”
• “I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”

Some of these explanations might be true sometimes. However, it might not be ordinary stress at other times, but something deeper. As depression does not always look like sadness, many men do not recognize the signs within themselves.

Some of the signs of depression include:

1. Constant irritability or frustration
2. Feeling exhausted all the time
3. Emotional numbness
4. Difficulty concentrating
5. Losing interest in hobbies or activities once enjoyed
6. Withdrawing from family and friends
7. Sleeping too much or too little
8. Overworking or staying constantly busy
9. Increased use of alcohol or other substances
10. Taking unusual risks
11. Feeling empty or disconnected.

These signs do not always match society’s image of depression. This is why many men continue to struggle without realizing what they are experiencing.

The Cost of Leaving Depression Unaddressed

Depression does not just fly away because some chooses to ignore it. When it is not addressed properly, it gradually affects every area of the person’s life. Some of the consequences are the following:

1. Relationships suffer: When someone is emotionally exhausted, it often becomes difficult to communicate, connect, or be fully present in relationships. Partners, family members, and friends may notice emotional distance, loss of interest, irritability, unnecessary anger and withdrawal. This could become frustrating and misunderstandings arise.
2. Physical Health declines: Mental and physical health are interconnected. Depression can affect sleep, appetite, energy levels, and overall wellbeing. Chronic health and emotional struggles can also leave people feeling physically drained and overwhelmed.
3. Feelings of Hopelessness deepens: When difficult emotions remain unspoken, they often become heavier to bear. As support is absent, there is an increase in emptiness, hopelessness, and loneliness in the individual. This makes it even harder to reach out for help.

Today, many men continue to suffer in silence while they try to fulfil their responsibilities. They become so accustomed to functioning through their pain that even those closest to them may not realize they are struggling. This is why proactive actions must be taken to address depression in men.

Recognizing Depression is the First Step toward Healing

The fact that depression can hide in plain sight does not mean it has to remain hidden. The way to get the right support and find healthier ways to cope is by first recognizing the signs. Here’s how:

1. Pay attention to changes in Yourself: If you have been feeling emotionally different for an extended period, do not ignore it. For instance, if you are more exhausted, irritable, withdrawn, or disconnected than usual, it could be signaling you to something. Your emotions deserve your attention, so give it that attention.
2. Talk to someone you trust: Don’t just seat with the emotions. Open up with someone even when you’re feeling uncomfortable about sharing. A simple conversation can make a significant difference.
3. Seek professional support when needed: Go for counselling or therapy. Join a support group or speak to a trusted mentor. You can get the right tools and guidance from them that you need to stand firm during difficult seasons. Seeking help is an act of courage and self-awareness.
4. Remember that depression is treatable: Don’t see depression as a plague that cannot go away, because it can. With the right advice and support, healing is possible. So, take that step to reach out to someone today.

The more we understand the hidden signs of depression in men, the better equipped we become to support ourselves and the men around us. After all, not every struggling man looks depressed and not every smile tells the whole story.     

Previously on our Men’s Mental Health series: Emotional Isolation in Men: Why Many Don’t Have a Safe Space to Talk