I often imagine that I’d have the answers to some questions when I grew older. But entering adulthood, I discover I even have more questions. The ones that I thought I would have answers to still remain unanswered. Questions like how do I know that I’m making the right decisions? What is the reasonable way to handle relationships? How do I know what I actually want? And how do I feel confident about my choices?
Discovering that adulthood does not mean that I have to figure everything out makes me feel weak and helpless at times. It could sometimes make me feel like a failure. However, it also gives me some sense of relief. The relief that I don’t have to put a lot of pressure on myself to figure everything out all the time. That I can accept that I don’t currently know some things and just make the best decision with the information available.
The truth is you might know how to choose the right career. Probably, you have figured out the right people you want to spend your life with in terms of friendship and relationship. You could even be making the right decisions and confidently navigating whatever comes your way. However, you still have certain questions yet unanswered. And nobody tells you that becoming an adult will not make those questions disappear.
Sometimes, I look at people around me and wonder if they figured things out better than I have. They seem certain about their choices, their relationships and the direction their lives are taking. Meanwhile, I am asking myself whether I am doing the right thing.
One thing might just be certain. I could be seeing only one side of their stories. My eyes are focused on the decision they have made, the relationship they seem happy in, or the confidence with which they speak about their future. However, I do not see the questions they ask themselves when no one is watching. I do not know if they are as certain as they appear to be.
Maybe this is one of the reasons we put so much pressure on ourselves to have everything figured out. We look at someone else’s life and mistake what we can see for the whole story. We forget that they may also be navigating uncertainties that we know nothing about.
Recently, I am beginning to understand that certainty may not be the evidence of a life well lived that I once thought it was. Sometimes, making a decision means accepting that you cannot know exactly how it will turn out. What I’m learning is that as we grow up, we don’t have to collect answers to every question we have. We might just have to live with some uncertainty. So, I may not always know if I am making the right decision, but I can still move forward.
